You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
