I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
