Don't make out with my wife yet
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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