I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
