I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
