Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
