I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
