For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
