it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
