then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize