Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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