He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
