I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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