im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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