therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
