is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
