Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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