Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
