Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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