you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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