I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You took a bar mat shot.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
