Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
