Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
