I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
