I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
