It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
