I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
