a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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