Umm I'm too high to move.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
