He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize