I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
