CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
