I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
