Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
