You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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