I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
MIDGETS
????
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
