Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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