I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
