I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
