It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
