i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
