I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
