True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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