On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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