I skipped work to stalk him.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
