and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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