There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
