the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize