Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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