Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
