What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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