In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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