PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She said her name was "party"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
