I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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