We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
