So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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