I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All the doctor said was why
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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