we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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