mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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