we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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