Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
