What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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