The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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