six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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