No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Text me some of your sweat
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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