What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
