You made me cry and you don't even care
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so let's talk penis.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
