i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
