He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
