they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
